"It's all my fault" by Stacey Wells
“It’s all my fault, I sit and wallow in seclusion, as if I have no hope at
all. I guess truth becomes you. I have seen it all in motion that pride
comes before a fall. If I give my life, if I lay it down, will you turn this
life around? Can I be made clean by this offering of my soul? Can I be made
whole again?”
~Jennifer Knapp
“Kansas”
I
listened to this song today and it just hit me… it is all my fault if I
sit and wallow in seclusion. And that’s where I’ve found myself and I don’t
like the way it feels! I really need to examine the things I’ve been trying to
handle on my own, without the Lord’s help and repent and turn it over to Him.
I’ve been here before, in this emotional state of mind, but never to this
extent. I guess it’s because I’ve never had such circumstances surrounding
the emotion and therefore could spot the culprit much quicker.
I
blame this on my lack of readiness in the spirit. I, for a very long time,
read the Word and prayed a good portion of my day, and then when things got
busy, I slacked off. Mind you, I slacked off, I didn’t quit, and I know that
because of that, I was not ready for this moment when it finally came.
There is a certain plateau where you begin to feel as though your faith is
strong. You are used to reading the Word, and use to praying and you’re use
to being able to tell others where to go within the Word when they are
experiencing hard times. I am now confident in saying, it is that express
time when you should devote yourself even more to the reading and prayer, as
they work in concert with one another, and never ever consider turning back to
a point in the past, when you could get by with less reading. The Lord works
within you, and speaks through His Word, and readies you “for such a time as
this,” whatever “this” happens to be.
I
don’t claim to understand the trials that we sometimes go through, and I know
I can’t question God. But I do know that I can rest in the truth of His Word,
knowing that He is not a man that He should lie…but here is a most crucial
point for those who find themselves in a situation that seems to be beyond
reason or understanding… “nor the son of man, that He should repent.” That
last part, to me, means that not only is His every Word Truth in its truest
form, but also He owes no one an explanation for anything. If He were to
cater to all of our inquisitive “why God?” questions, it still wouldn’t do us
any good, because His thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our
ways.
So
I find myself in a place of peace now, knowing that the God of Heaven and
earth, the God who knew me before I was created in my mother’s womb, the God
who sent His one and only Son to die in my place, that same God is a very
present help in this most distressing time of trouble. Just as the three
Hebrew children did so many, many years ago, I know that I will come through
this fire without even the smell of smoke on my clothes. Praise His mighty
name!
As
I started this with a song, I will leave it with one as well, giving glory to
my Lord and Savior, my Comforter, my friend…
“He
never promised that the cross would not get heavy, or the hills would not be
hard to climb. He never promised victories without fighting but He said help
would always come in time. So if you’re standing in the valley of decision
and the adversary says give in. Just hold on, our Lord show up, and He will
take you through the fire again.”