by Grace Beers


    When I was growing up everyone always called me “Graceful”, or “Graceless”.   Always due to my constant falling and twisting my ankles.  Nothing was ever done. It was just  accepted as me being clumsy.  As I grew up I faced multiple broken bones, mostly to my ankles.  My back would occasionally hurt but was always passed off.  Well it wasn’t till I was 32 when my fourth child was born. My health started declining. We finally found a doctor that would take notice to what was going on and not just look at me and say nothing is wrong because I “look” fine.  It was then that our youngest started having some serious health issues.  One was Hydrocephalous . It was then that my family history had come into play. We learned that we had a connective tissue disorder . This disorder affects all the joints and basically anything tissue.   The pain in my back had become unbearable over the next year. In 2004 I decided to talk to a doctor about doing something about the pain. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I was awarded full disability in 2006. I was on a lot of strong pain meds and it just seemed to get worse as time went on. 

    Over the years I have been prayed for by many people for healing and I always came out of it saying to myself that this is the way God wants me. He will use this illness in some way. He has too.  One clear thing that I neglected to accept when I was prayed for was, faith. Faith in God that He knows what He’s doing. That if I just let Him, He would show me the beautiful miracles that He still gives His children.
I knew I loved God and knew that He performs miracles even today. I’ve seen them and have been blessed to be apart of the beautiful process. God truly loves us. In more ways then I could possibly explain.  In the Bible there are so many scripture on healings from God.  From Genius all the way too Revelations. Not all of these are Physical healings. There are Mental and Spiritual healings as well. But there is one key element in All healings.  One that I lacked, and that’s Faith. Without Faith how can we say that we believe?  Now I had faith that God healed. I knew He could heal people. But for me I had no faith that He could heal me. I accepted my condition.

    Well Feb. 22nd 2009, something happened to me. The church service started with a short video clip of a young woman who like me gave in to the illness she had. (She had Cerebral Palsy) She accepted her condition as I did. One day she went to church to have her Grandmother prayed for because she was sick. God performed a miracle. She left that church walked upright and Healed. I could relate to that story so much but for me it was something so far away. To be without pain was something I have always dreamed of. But its not for me. This is the way God wants me. That was my thoughts as the service went on.  Well towards the end the Pastor announced that after service they would be having prayers for those wanting them. Anyone could come up. My oldest son leans over to me and asked me if I am going up to get prayers. I told him No. I didn’t feel the pull to go up. He looked at me with shock and then asked me, “Mom, don’t you want to be healed?”  I will admit I felt a little angry that my son thought I didn’t want to be healed.  But I leaned over to him and told him that Yes I wanted to be healed but it just wasn’t going to happen.

    As we started leaving church a friend asked me if I was going to get prayed for. I told her no, that I didn’t feel lead to go up. It just wasn’t there. I could see in her eyes that she was taken aback by my no. She tried to encourage me and even said she would go up with me. Even told me how she had been healed from Cancer a few days ago. Oh how wonderful to hear that. God does work miracles still. This was what was going on in my head. So we left and went home. I didn’t go up and get prayed for. After all, this is how I am supposed to be.

                                            Thurs. Feb 26th 2009

    Today I found out that I was expecting our 5th child. Funny how things enter your mind in times of joy. But my thoughts where not joy but fear. Not because of knowing of the baby, but of something my son and friend asked me to do on Sunday. I take a lot of pain medications ( Morphine, Darvon, Fioricet, Amitriptyline, Duragesic Patch, Hydrocodone, and Verapamil for migraines. I was also on other medication but not at the same time as these.) and they can be very harmful to a growing baby. Fear about losing this child was a concern that took center stage. Then like a light bulb turning on, I realized that my son and friend wanting me prayed for was for this child. To keep her/him safe while I come off my medication if that was even possible. How could I be so stupid?  Now I didn’t know I was expecting Sunday when my son and Friend where wanted me to be prayed for. But God knew and was leading them to have me prayed for. I ignored it. Because I was so sure God wanted me to live this life of pain.

    My husband and I went to see Pastor Terry and we told him what happened last Sunday and that I now know why God was leading them to pray for me it was to protect this baby and if there was any way we could get that prayer. Of course he said yes. He prayed for us there and also said Sunday we will be having prayer again after service. I knew now that I had to go up.  Pastor Terry asked me to pray before Sunday and ask God to show me anything that could get in the way of the prayers. Well as the rest of the week went by I was told what it was, Faith. I didn’t have the faith to believe God could heal ME. That I wasn’t supposed to be in constant pain. My faith in others being healed was more powerful then having faith in being able to do that for me. Not just faith that I could be healed. But FULL faith in knowing the changes to come after healing could be difficult. My faith in God to take care of my family and I wasn’t there. How could be get by without my SSI. If I lose that we have nothing to live on. This is what God was showing me. Why could I have faith for others but not for me? Why could I believe God could heal others but not me. I had no faith in the bigger picture. Only the smaller one. Just the healing. So with that out in the open I knew something had to change in me. I had to put my full faith in the Lord. God will provide and will keep this baby safe with all the medication I am on.

                                            Sunday March 1st 2009

    As my family and I leave for church I know that today I am going up front and I know God is going to protect my baby. I decided to make a change. I was going to trust God with my medication and I stopped all but one, my patch.  I couldn’t continue taking the others knowing they could harm the baby. 

    I stood and sang today. It felt so good. I hurt like crazy but I had to do this. I didn’t know why at first but God did. He was testing my faith already. Was I willing to put my trust in Him. I am ready. I can’t go on anymore with this hurting all the time. I want my baby to see me walking and doing things that our children haven’t seem me do in the last 7-8 years. Mom just sits at home its all I can do. But not today. Today I am going to stand and worship the Lord. As the service went on I kept praying telling God thank you for allowing me to worship You. Thank you for Loving me.

    After service it came time for me to go up and be prayed for. Unlike the Sunday before, I was the only one today.  Pastor Terry asked me if I had asked God to show me what could get in the way of the prayers and I told him, Faith. But that it wasn’t going to be a factor anymore. I was going too, no, I AM going to put my full trust in God. No matter what happens. I was going to trust God in anything now. I had too. Pastor Terry asked me to describe some things that I’ve been dealing with on my illness. I told him some but left out others. They aren’t as important as the pain and not being able to do anything. So the time came where the oil was applied and the prayers began. I let my guard down and prayed that God would open my eyes. WOW did he. Pastor Terry started praying and low and behold he started praying about the things I didn’t mention. How could this be? How could he know that?  Then it hit me square on the face. Like a preverbal 2x4. The big neon flashing light saying. God is working here! God was showing Pastor Terry the things that would show me that God was here. I felt such a wave of energy wash over me from head to toe. It didn’t stop either. I felt SO alive. I felt different but to what extent I wasn’t sure yet. Prayer was over and I thanked them for praying for me. I knew the baby would be safe.  My family and I left church and for the first time I noticed that my back didn’t hurt as much as when I first got to church. Well I thought that’s because of the new pain patch I just put on this morning. Its finally kicked in. 

    Sunday night I went to bed early because I was just so tired. The sleep was very restless but as I woke at 6am I knew right away that I felt different. I knew that even though I didn’t sleep as much as I did on my sleeping medication that the sleep I did get was much better. I felt so awake. Around 8:30am I went to get my shower. I thanked God for this new day and thanked Him for keeping the baby safe. When I got out I felt this urgency to pray. So I started praying and the next thing I know I am dropped to my knee’s. I couldn’t do this Sunday. My knees where so bad that kneeling on them sent pain up my legs. But here I was on my knees praying without any thought of hurting or even really knowing what was going on. Other then me asking God to give me the faith to trust in Him fully. Next thing I know I am praising God and Thanking Him for healing me. I didn’t know I was healed at this time. But I just felt this overwhelming urgency to thank God for healing me. After my prayer I stayed on the floor for a good 10 minutes rocking myself and saying over and over, “Thank You Lord”.  I took off my pain patch while on the floor. It was as if a weight was lifted off of me. I felt Free. Free of pain, free of everything I had been held back from in the last 7-8 years. God healed me and I was free!  I was free of pain free of medication.

    Today I am still on a high and if you knew me you would know I don’t go out and find people to talk too. But since I’ve been healed I walk up to people and tell them what God has done for me. I have told so many people that it seems each person I tell the more my heart fills with Gods Love. Lack of faith held me back so many years. Not trusting in God’s love for me held me back. But not anymore. God is in full control and I am letting Him take the reigns. No more holding back for me. I can walk, I can cook, I can do laundry and I can go up and down my steps without pain. I have so much energy that I feel I am going to burst out of my skin. I wake up with God on my mind first thing. Thanking Him for this wonderful gift He has given me. That I finally see that I wasn’t supposed to be in pain. I didn’t have to accept my illness. God wants so much better for me. He wants so much better for all of us. Faith is key in my opinion to being healed, but also being able to take what God is giving us. I know now that it was my lack in faith in the Lord to provide for us and my trust in Him to keep our home and food on the table. I didn’t have the faith to believe God would take care of us in every way needed. I have that faith now. I am not worried about losing my SSI. In fact I can’t wait to go in and say Look what God gifted me!  I am so looking forward to seeing what God has planed for me and my family. I am going to embrace this wonderful gift and continue to tell others every where I go. 


                        By: Grace Beers